I don’t expect to retire this blog. But I also realize that despite my desire for it to become a place outside my venting, it will never be.
I will always write to escape my feelings. To externalize them and escape myself and self-destruction from “bottling emotion”. To compartmentalize my understanding of my frustrations through writing is how I deal.
But I can also measurably see that, through my lack of frequency in writing–the lack of hate, the deceleration of spirited tirades–I’ve become more stable. I’ve moreso approached a point where I’m able to internalize and extinguish irriation and anger and mood without having to publicly, passive-aggressively, display it for all to see-or-not-see-oh-what-if-they-do-fuckit-I-don’t-GIVE-A-FUCK-I’MSAYINGITFUCKITIDON’TCAREIFTHEYREADIT. I’ve grown up.
And I’m okay with that.