Everything tastes dull. Nothing’s exciting. Action seems pointless.
Even if I’m fucked up.
Something’s missing. I don’t know what it is. But I feel lifeless, like I live out routines that are, yes, somewhat necessary, but for the most part seem to exist only to fill up space in my day. I have no passion for what I do, I only do it because it’s a superior form of survival. But I think one element of my life is missing, one small inkling of a thought, that will revitalize and rejuvenate my spirit if and when I find it; I know something can survive me from this blanket of apathy.
I think I’m looking for some kind of a change, but I don’t know what to.
I’m bored with being content.
It seems that although I’ve gained a lot of understanding and perspective over the past year, my apathy has only increased. Particularly learning about the modern condition, which has not only brought to my attention its very existence, but also facilitated my falling into such a condition.
I’m happy that I can see other people’s perspectives, with a particularly new air of understanding and validation upon mediation.
But, with rewarding credibility to all parties with, for lack of a better word, an opinion, the understanding as to what is the proper course of action in many events becomes difficult.
Of course in daily occurrences this generally isn’t the case–but knowing how to make a move can be difficult in the development of morals, the handling of affairs, and musings on more complex subjective attitudes (particularly towards controversy).
So I’m stuck.